Updates and Stuff

After going through a pretty tough month, I think it’s time for me to reflect on what’s happened and what I can do from now on.

Most importantly to talk about I think would be mine and Jimmy’s health. Without going into a lot of detail, I was screened and waited for results about cervical cancer. No cancer, thankfully. I have had for the last month and a half some really tough issues with female stuff.

After visiting a doctor 3 times without improvement, I finally visited a gynecologist. I thought the first time I would visit an O-GBYN would be for when I was pregnant, not being sick. It was a scary process, not knowing what the matter is and why I don’t get better. For everyone, especially females, when your PH is out of balance, it’s not a fun process. Usually your body is supposed to over a period of time, re balance. Well, that hasn't happened for me.

My first visit was the 11/26 to the gynecologist and I just balled the whole time. I was so frustrated with not knowing what I can do to get better. She understood, hugged and helped me feel better enough to listen. She told me if I don’t get my PH back in balance, then bad things could happen, leading to infertility ultimately. Though that is a long ways out, I need to start fixing problems now. She prescribed me things to help me to on that track. I feel sick all the time. Not like a cold or a headache, but just out of whack….no other way to explain it. After having a promising follow up appointment, I am back to feeling awful. It’s hard to know what to do, when I don’t know what’s going on.

Jimmy still has his “man” issue that we like to call it. Though he has insurance through his tribe, his dad just got a full time job and added him to his insurance so we could take him in too. Between the two of us, we’ll never have kids. Gosh.

For a couple months before I started to get sick, I was on a diet. I was doing Weight Watchers. I was doing ok with it, then I just get frustrated with the cold and paying for a gym, that I just gave up. I have an appointment with my local doctor in Washington about my weight. I don’t know what kinds of things I can do. I want to be healthier for my future children. We have to make it more of a priority. On the up side, I am down a size and got to buy 2 of the cutest tops!

We've done a few fun things the last couple of months. We’ve gone zip lining, been to comic con, been to Las Vegas, been around where my grandfather grew up, been to AZ to see my aunt. We are living. Sometimes marriage life before kids can be stagnant. Jimmy’s friend Matt pointed that out to us. So I am trying my best to live a little. I work full-time; Jimmy is a full-time student and works part-time. Life is time consuming ya know, but I have to find joy in the little things. I might not be able to do all the travelling that I want, but I can save up for it. Jimmy and I have a dream to go to either Tokyo or New York. 

Comic-con was one of my absolute favorite things. We rode the train up there so we didn't’ have to find a place to park. It was a long day. Amazing stuff, cool costumes, interesting panels and I would do it again! Maybe this time I can convince Jimmy to dress up.  #doubtit. 

Jimmy will graduate in May of 2014 and with that goes the tribal money. Not once since Jimmy and I have been married have I paid for rent out of my pocket. The tribe money really helps that. And with that convenience, we get to live in a place that’s close enough for Jimmy to walk to school. But it’s pricey. Every year that goes by the tribe lowers the amount of money they give the students, so I am happy that Jimmy is graduating. I’m happy that Jimmy has little student debt, unlike me. I have to start paying that back soon. When the New Year starts Jimmy will be looking for jobs, everywhere.

As Jimmy is graduating soon, I was reflecting at my time in college. I really wish that I would have taken it more seriously. I wish that I would have been more assertive, dumped some people in my life, and really dove into what I could have done. If I could do college over again, I would. I loved school. I love school in general because it gave me an opportunity to learn every day. But, I would go back and get an accounting degree. That’s what my Dad did, and he provided a wonderful life for me growing up. I never realized that that’s where I get my love of numbers from! Duh!

I enjoy the job that I have now. In October, I hit my 3 months, so I am eligible for health insurance through my company. I almost didn't take it, till I learned that my company pays 100% of the deductible for the employee, so it was no cost to me. Crazy huh? But it has a high deductible, so we have an HSA account that helps pay for things. My company puts money on the card and I can put some on and pay for everything with that, it’s nice. I have used that for all these visits and all the medication that I have taken in the last month. I love the people that I work with. Every other Friday we get paid and those same days me and 2 ladies always go to this Mexican restaurant. It’s delicious food and the lunch special is really really good. I look forward to that every other week!

I got to spend some quality time with my Aunt Karen in AZ for Thanksgiving. It was super fun! She got us a hotel room for 3 days, we got to relax, spend time just doing nothing. They made us dinner, and then the next day we had crab for dinner. WOW that was great. We did shopping, we went to movies and I got to spend time with one of my favorite people in the world. She really spoiled us. She lives in a place where there a lot of snowbirds and….golfcarts! I just died with the amount of people driving around town in their golf cart. HILARIOUS. 

We left Saturday after Thanksgiving and drove to Las Vegas. We did the strip with all the lights and all the nasty people that crowd the streets. It was fun to see the lights and how everything is so big. We were going to stop and eat at Gordon Ramsey’s restaurant “Burgr”, but the line was gigantic and we were not properly dressed. Then that night we drove to Mesquite,

where my dad and my grandpa grew up. We stayed at a hotel there, and the next morning we drove around and took pictures of a lot of fun places for my grandpa. Trista is editing some of the pictures and we are going to give it to him for Christmas. Hope he likes it! 

Crazy story. On our way back from Mesquite we had to stop for gas in St. George. While we were at the gas station there was a paper bag in the back seat that had a bunch of trash in it, so naturally I took it out and threw it away. When I got home, I couldn't find my kindle. I had no idea that I through it away. I was so upset. Jimmy happen to remember that one of his classmates was going to St. George for Thanksgiving, so Jimmy texts me. Come to found out that he was already back in Orem, which is about 4 hours north. Bummed, but then he texted back and told us that his wife's family lives there. After some messages back and forth his wife's brother agreed to go down to the gas station and look in the trash for us. Someone went through garbage for me, a total stranger. That is by far the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. I thought that they just went through the trash can that I threw the bag away in, come to know that they actually dug through a dumpster! 

Things have been hard lately, but I think that I need to step back and be more grateful. We have a car that we can afford, we have a warm apartment, Jimmy is getting a great education, I have a full time job, and things I shouldn't take for granted. I have lots of amazing people around me. My co-workers and one of my newest friends, Alicia. She has been really great; she even made me a birthday dinner! How sweet of her. It’s been nice to have some friends. I remember in one of my previous post’s my sister was telling me that I have to be the one to go for it and talk to people and start up a friendship. Luckily, Alicia and her husband love Avatar, so we had them over for a couple weeks to watch Korra. Loved it! Jimmy made me a cake and got me awesome presents. My parents sent me a care package with lots of goodies in it for my birthday! All around thankful.

Jimmy and I have a lot of choices to make soon. He is graduating and with that comes an uncertainty that I don’t know if we are ready for. Jimmy and I made the decision to not have children while he was in school. How could we? Jimmy needs to finish his education and while he was doing that, I needed to be bringing in income for us to survive. Sometimes I feel really great about that decision, and other times not…It’s hard to make friends here because I try to make a connection with someone, and then they become pregnant and since I’m not, I get shut out. That’s happened so many times. Well solution, get pregnant right? Wrong. Up until 3 months ago, I had no health insurance that would cover me.  I know for Jimmy and I we are making the right decisions when it comes to a family. We know that this is not the place for us to raise a family. Our apartment does have a 2^nd bedroom, but the air conditioning never reaches it! That poor baby if it had to be in there during the summer.

Christmas is approaching. We fly out tomorrow, hoping that they weather cooperates... I am only going to be there for a few days. I’m sad, but I don’t have that much vacation time. If Jimmy and I want to move, we got to save up. Can't wait to see all my brothers and Trista, even if it is really only for a day. Can't wait to see Tony and Nikki and their two beautiful little girls. They are precious.

Reality is approaching us. It’s like me graduating all over again. We are going to lose some comfort that we have had for 2 years, and I’m scared. I think that Jimmy has a great career ahead of him. He’s very talented. Every time I edit things for him, I love the way he writes. His knowledge is far beyond mine. We had this discussion the other day. I always wanted to be with someone that was smart. I had a “boyfriend” in college that was SOOO much smarter than me, and sometimes I felt so dumb. Not to toot my own horn, but I am pretty smart. I enjoy having Jimmy be able to have conversations with me that challenges my thinking, makes me give reasons for everything, and looks beyond what I think to find what I can know.

I'm excited/scared/nervous for our future. I hope to make everyone proud of who I am and what I am doing. I try to be a good person, give homeless people money, recycle, maybe in some small way I can help the world. I'm trying to be less selfish and think about others. I know that my opinions and my thoughts of the way things should be clash with people. I'm sorry I'm so stubborn, but you'll have to just bear with me. 

NEW JOB!! and My Thought on being married so far.

FINALLY!  

I get to write something exciting happening in my life. People always ask you, hey, what's going on with you. You know what I say...NOTHING. I never really had anything fun to say. I didn't have a job that I really could progress in, no babies (see last post) and nothing really else to talk about. 

Now, I finally have a new job. I haven't even started yet though. Friday is my first day. The company is called TRA Snow and Sun. You say it like T.R.A. Snow and Sun. I know this because I went in and answered phones and filed as part of the interview. I'm not sure yet what the TRA stands for, but I'm sure that I will find out soon. I am working as a Receptionist/Payroll Assistant. It's just one lady that does all the payroll stuff and so, they thought since I have an awesome math background that I could really be of help to her. I also can say that I got to do something fun. Jimmy and I went zip-lining  Holy crap that was fun!!! I did not wear the proper attire though!! 

When I told Jimmy, my mom, my aunt, they all had the same question...Is this really what you want? Answer:  Sorta. What I wanted was a full time job that I could support Jimmy and I while he is still in school. What I wanted was to become a teacher. Using the alternative route here in Utah, but as you can guess, no luck. Between last year and this year, I applied to....about 70 jobs, had about 30-40 interviews and just no luck. It was exhausting, heartbreaking, difficult and depressing. It just took the joy out of me. I'm a pretty perky person and the last couple months, I just haven't been myself. It's really harder than I thought to go through so much disappointment. 

With a new job in hand and a new commitment to life, I am ready for this next year. Jimmy and I have set some goals for us to work on separately, and some together. I can work 40 hours a week, save up money and we can get to the place where we want to be, somewhere in the west part of Washington. Washington is in our blood. It's where we want to be and where we want to grow old.  Jimmy and I had this argument about moving back to like Sequim or PA or somewhere around there. I just don't know if I want to do that. Not that I don't love my family, but I have always pictured myself more independent. I never imagined myself being there. We will see. 

I'm excited to have my first big girl job. While my friends here in Utah have all pretty much moved on with kids and moving new places, we are still here, going to make the best of it. With my new job being about 10 mins away on the freeway, I thought that maybe we could find a place to live really close to it, and then I could walk and Jimmy could drive, but alas that did not happen. It's just not near anything and with the one car between us, we have to make do with what we have. I need to be more grateful for our apartment right now. Sometimes the people suck, but it's so close to UVU that's it's worth it for Jimmy. I get it, but maybe I just wanted to...try something else. 

I wanted to talk about our trip home. We had a blast. It was fun to drive. After getting rid of the Jeep (Sorry Trista), we bought our first car last year. This summer when Danny came home from his mission was the first time that we got to drive it a long distance. It was a trooper! 36 MPG and just the right size for us. We stayed in Seattle the night that we got in and had adventures in Seattle the next day while we waited for Danny to come in. What a joyous occasion. Here is picture of Danny and my in laws. Then we spent the week hanging out with family. Jimmy and I took Joey and Danny to a fun day in Seattle where we wandered around. We even went on the Ferris Wheel! Then we got to take Joey to the temple for his mission. Great experience. I got to take through some of my ancestors as well. Sweet experience. He will do a great job in Ghana. His desire to go on a mission even through his trials is nothing sort of inspirational. 

Got to spend some time with my family too. I got to ride around with Dad and we had a picnic for Jimmy's and Dad's bday!! It was so good to see everyone. With the Halls we did the MUD RUN with the Tribe. It was a mess! But great fun. At the top you got to go down a huge slide where they squirted soap all over you. So fun! I'm glad we all did it! 

My next thing is about marriage. I have only been married for 2 years almost, and I can't say that I know everything. I am a very observant person and after going through some of my own experiences and watching others, I have learned quite a bit. 

• MARRIAGE IS NOT JUST ABOUT LOVE: I am a firm believer that love isn't enough. Just because you love each other, doesn't mean that the world is going to just "work out." You have to have plans, have some idea on how you are going to support each other. Jobs, money, bills, school, cars, accidents, kids, all these things you have to conquer together and have a plan before you jump into marriage. This is one reason that I don't believe in soul mates. I don't believe there is one person that is meant for you. I believe there is a type of person that can be with you and a type of person that works best with you. This is one reason that I didn't get married while I was in school. I don't think that I could have supported myself and another person. I know people do it, but I waited for my education to be done, so I could spend 110% on it. 

• DATING/MARRIAGE DOESN'T EXCUSE PDA AND STUPID PICTURES: This is really started to bug me. For some reason PDA still bugs me. I'm married and it bugs me. I love my husband, but everyone else doesn't need to know that with my sloppy lips all over him. Pictures are ok, but make them meaningful. Pictures and videos are memories being captured. Make them ones you want to remember. Things you want your kids to see and admire you.

• THINGS ARE MORE EXPENSIVE WHEN YOU ARE MARRIED: I know most of you are probably like, duh, but honestly I didn't think about it that much. Example: Jimmy paid about 300 for rent and I paid like 250 and so when we got married I thought that's about how much we would pay. WRONG. Keep that in mind. 

• IT'S OK TO HAVE NON-TRADITIONAL ROLES: Living in a very traditionalist place, it's strange to think that my life won't really be like that. I have a desire to be a mom, but I also believe that through my life I will take on non-traditional roles. Perhaps Jimmy will be the stay at home dad (which we have talk about before, because of what he wants to do), and perhaps I will be the working person. I have a desire to use my education in a great role. Another example is that I do the finances. Because of my math background, I can keep track of it better than Jimmy could. It's just my talent, numbers and such. Be open to it. Jimmy does the dishes, I do the laundry. Marriage isn't the wife cleans and the man works anymore. Times have changed and our perspective must adapt as well. Along with the changing of views, we also have to remember not to judge.If you stay at home with your kids and that's your job, that's great! Good for you! But I don't want people telling me that I am going to be a bad parents because of the way that I want to do things. I'm open to you, be open to me. 

• MAKING FRIENDS IS HARD: I wish that I could say that I have made a whole bunch of married couple friends, but I haven't. Most have excluded me and Jimmy in their activities, which really does hurt. I had a pity party about it the other day, but with some help from my sister, I realized that I have to put in more effort and maybe at times I have to find just more joy in just being with Jimmy.

Also, on a depressing note my mom and dad had to put our dog Lil to sleep. She was very sick. After 15 years of having her at home, it will be weird to go home and not see her. Mom doesn't want another dog, but I think Dad is just going to bring one home without telling her. I remember when we brought her home. She will always be our little runt. I'm glad that she is in a better place. When I die, I know that she will be there waiting for us. She was part of my family and eternity will be immensely better with her around. 



That's all I can think of. Now to start my new job. I told my Grandpa that if I got a full time job that I would fly home for his 90th birthday. I think I'm going to get to do that. It's funny because I haven't even started this job and I'm already taking time off. HAHA. But he's a great man and has raised a great family! It would be my honor. 

Thanks for listening! 

Hello!-This is what's going on with me!

Hello World. I have had this blog for about 2 years and I think that I have posted...ah, 6 times. I had this going when I first moved to Utah. A lot has changed since then, but I won't bore you with that.

I have thought a lot lately about my sense of creativity or in my case, lack of. I have always had this envy of others with all the brilliant and beautiful things that they can do. Started when I was younger with my sister Trista. She was always that talented one. She always has had a knack for decorating, photography, and just art in general. Don't get me wrong, I love my sister and am very proud of her. She is very talented! My brother Tanner too. He was the artist, and still is. Can draw beautiful pictures. Then to college, I felt in my place for awhile there as I was living in an Engineering dorm. Nerds as far as the eye could see. But then I started dating someone who was a trombone player. Beh. At last, but not least to my best friend and husband Jimmy. He can wrote so perfectly. He has a tone in his writing, but it flows so perfect. Even though I wish I could, I still bug him, "you need to write more." Someday he will be a famous movie critic. Being married to one isn't easy, but most of the time he is right! ;) He even has his own movie blog: jimmyrhall.wordpress.com Go check it out!

I feel others around me with talents that are so outwardly shown. I understand that we all have talents, things that we are destined to be better at, and also have things that we suck at. It's so easy for me to see the things that I am NOT good at, but I can't see what I am talented at, hence the weird math picture you see. I thought when I was younger that my passion for logic and mathematics made me a bit....cold. It's not fluffy and fun. I set out to find a way to take this cold logical passion of mine and make it fun and vibrant.

After changing majors in college like 12 times and finally sitting on Math, I really had no direction in life. It wasn't till my last quarter of college that I really found that my ultimate goal is. I want to design math curriculum's.  To some of you that might sound like THE WORST. But it's just perfect for me. After talking to my counselor at UW about it, she told me that I needed to get into the education world first by becoming a teacher. So with only one quarter left, I was like.....well crap. So, I took the classes that I could that fulfilled my degree and I graduated. I moved back to my home, though without a plan I felt stuck.

I found a bunch of LDS friends that for about 5 months we really had a great time. We had a great institute teacher and I gained a lot from that time. Lots of us are married now, including Jimmy to me, couple are on missions and some are just living their lives else where. Jimmy decided to move to Utah and at the time, yes I was somewhat interested in him, but he was my best friend. I didn't really want him to leave, but he was going to go to school, which he needed to. PC was just not doing it for him. I wanted to go to. Plus, living with my parents wasn't the best either. They were great, but I think that I just wasn't the best daughter either. I was very irresponsible and inconsiderate. But what I wanted out of Utah was their ARL Program. That's Alternative Route to Licensure. It was a way for me to earn a teaching license without going through a college program. After moving to Utah I got so worried about money that I just looked for any old job. I finally got one, working at a restaurant. I really liked that job. Just before Jimmy and I got engaged I remember telling him that my life was going no where, that I didn't feel like I had a future. A couple of months later the store closed and I lost my job. I was devastated, newly married and out of full time employment. But as Jimmy so loving pointed out, that it was the best thing besides him to happen to me. It really pushed me towards my teaching goals.

So, I applied and got accepted for the ARL program. That was step 1.

Step 2, get hired. Yah right. Last year I had 27 interviews, nothing. 2 weeks before school started I got hired for a Math Lab position. It was an hourly teacher position. I had my own classroom, I did grades, I designed my own lessons to go with the regular teachers. It was GREAT experience. My students really did like me, most of them. They loved to decorate my room. Who would have thought, 9th graders still like to color.

When I was hired I was "promised" a full time math job at this school. I interviewed and I got denied. By my own school. For someone who is pregnant and for the first 2 months of school will be on bed rest. Yah, that makes total sense. I was pissed. Still am. I can't yell at my principal because he is one of my references, but as soon as I get hired somewhere, I'm going to rip him one.

So now I am looking again. I have had 12 so far. Nothing again. I have a part time job at Utah Valley University, but thanks to Obama's work act thing, I can't work more than 27 hours a week, or the university will have to give me benefits, and God knows they won't do that. Jimmy has an internship and job this summer. So proud of him. He is doing twice the work I am. He's got one more year of school.

Living in Utah hasn't been easy. I hate the hot weather. Being married for 2 years and not having kids yet is the hardest thing that I have had to deal with. Being here, I get a lot of snide remarks. I have such a logical side to deal with. I know that Jimmy and I can't support children right now. We have no health insurance, barely any money and no future to offer our children. I know Jimmy has to be done with school, and that one of us is going to need a job to support our ambitions of wanting children. I know that we are supposed to have children in faith, but I also believe that I have to do what I can to be a good parent. Right now, with no money, no health insurance, not living in the place that I want to raise kids, and no way to provide for them, that just isn't being a good parent to me. I haven't always wanted to be a mother. But now that I have bagged myself a strong and supportive husband, I believe that I can do my next step in my life.

Dealing with my logical side and the anxiety that it causes me, I have had a hard time lately. I know that one of the reasons I can't fulfill my wish of having children is that I can't get a friggen job. Heavenly Father knows that we can't survive without me getting a job. Why is it that when I put my whole effort into something, I feel let down? It's been the hardest couple of months since college. I have faith, but I believe more times than not, I have no hope. I will continue to do what I can, believing that one day I will be able to fulfill my dreams of being a mom and a teacher.

I don't want people to think that I am not happy or that I am depressed. I just have a lot to say sometimes. I am married to the love of my life. I have two amazing families now. I couldn't be happier with the way that that has turned out. I now have 2 moms, 2 dads, 6 sisters, 9 brothers, 2 nieces and 1 nephew.

Having both families so close is hard sometimes. All I want to do is make people happy. That's why I want to be a teacher. Maybe being a teacher in Utah isn't my path. Perhaps this place doesn't need me. I hate how the schools and the districts here are always saying, "Oh we really need math teacher, they are always in such high demand." Psh, my butt. You know what's worse. The two 8th grade math teachers at the school I worked at, both have History degrees. They couldn't get a job, so they went and got a math endorsement. For goodness sakes. I have a Bachelors in Math and a Masters! They are good guys, but still.

Well thanks for listening to my ramblings. I hope to write more. It's mostly for me.